The Gospel Cheated Me

 They didn’t call it “turn or burn,” but whenever the “gospel” was preached (back in the day) it was absolutely presented as a get-out-of-hell-free proposition. 

I guess I did actually need to get past the trauma they instilled in me. That was a real thing. (PTSD from hearing the “good news” preached? That’s a problem, friends!) 

They promised me that all I needed to do was “pray this prayer after me” and I was set for life! I was no longer in danger of hellfire or being “left behind.” 

But the bigger issue was that I felt ripped off. They emotionally manipulated me in order to get me to raise my hand (“with every eye closed!”) so that their report back to their supporters (whether individual donors or denominational overseers) would be pleased. So that their paycheck wouldn’t be threatened. 

I felt manipulated, cheated, used, discarded. 

But the biggest reason was that they never told me the truth. Since then, I’ve learned that they've completely missed the best part of all: a relationship with my Daddy who loves me. It irritates me that they left that part out, the intimate fellowship, the amazing acceptance (not disdain or judgment) that I experience with him. 

And it angers me that there are folks out there doing the same kind of thing still, though I have some hope that it’s happening somewhat less frequently. 

I have to confess that when I figured out that I’d been gypped, I got angry with God. 

I remember I was driving a 1957 Ford F100 south on I-5 when I vented my frustration. I spewed my anger and my confusion and my frustration for several miles, about how it was costing me so much more than just “pray the prayer and you’re set for life!”

Eventually I figured out that he was waiting patiently to say something. I paused. 

And all he said was, “So. Do you want out?” 

Which of course immediately re-shaped my view of the whole thing. It was a fair question: assuming I had been lied to and that I had responded to a lie, did I now want to back out of the deceptive bargain I’d made with the loud preacher? Or was my bargain even with him at all? 

And I realized that while the bargain that that guy had presented (and to which I had initially responded) was indeed a cheat and a lie, the relationship that had grown with my Father since then was precious to me. I did not feel threatened at all by his question, but no, I didn’t want out. This relationship was a treasure to me now.